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Our rules of the game

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It is generally said that women have the last say in most arguments. This is true because anything we (men) say starts another one. However, we must be allowed to

It is generally said that women have the last say in most arguments. This is true because anything we (men) say starts another one. However, we must be allowed to give our own little rules. These rules are the content of this article.

Note that they are all numbered 1.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

1. Don't ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as soccer, the new Apple Ipad, or how much a Range Rover Sport is.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

We hope that these rules of ours are taken serious for both our benefits. However, guys don’t blame me if your girl makes you sleep on the floor after you try to enforce these rules.

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